Hey again everyone!

Here we are, the end of our lil’ contest at IHATEYOUBIKETHIEF.COM. We want to thank every single one of you brave amazing folks for your story contribution. Each word in your story brings us more shame to bike thieves everywhere! From Chicago to Amsterdam, this was truly a GLOBAL CAMPAIGN OF ILL WILL. Also, thanks to the Internet for being awesome and connecting all of us together. And thank you Kryptonite for donating. And NO THANK YOU BIKE THIEVES, YOU JERKPANTSES!!!

Congrats to all the winners!
The numero uno big time winner was Emily Pananas for her amazing devotion to her stolen bike (see her story My Bike Was My Life). Saving up that amount of money from babysitting then BAM! it’s taken away from you? PREPOSTERIOUS!

Everyone else that won had amazingly different nuances in their stories and thus differently nuanced sneaky jerk thieves too. Here are the other ten winnahs:

Robin’s Copenhagen All for Nothing
Marina’s Letter from a Bike Thief
Jim’s Rub Your Nose in It
Miki’s My Bike Just Got Stolen on Tuesday
Matt’s They Took My First Bike. I’m 25 Years Old.
Jack’s Smoking is Bad For You...
Graeme’s Bits and Pieces
Jay’s My Tale
Shana’s Fluffy IV
Andrew’s Bike Stolen

Dear Bike Thief...

I know quite a lot about you. You are definitely tall, as my bike is large and the seat requires a hex key to adjust it (which you didn't touch). You have a class on Friday morning in the EES building that ends sometime between 10:30 and 12:20 (where you stole my bike), followed directly by another class in Hammond (where you ditched it). You are almost certainly majoring in either Environmental or Engineering Science. You yourself are probably not a cyclist: you took the ROAD BIKE offroad through pine needles, flatting the rear tire in the process; you stole my cheap aluminum water bottle and storage pouch, but left my helmet, frame pump, and rear light (all of which were worth more).

Additionally, you are a total dick.

Fail, Mr. Bike Thief

This tale of bike thievery has a surprisingly happy ending, despite the tragic fact that I went two months without my beloved bicycle. My bike is a Giant mountain bike, and his name is Velvet due to the unbelievably smooth ride he gives when compared to my previous bike, which was not awesome enough to be given a name. I used to keep Velvet locked to a bike rack in a delivery access road behind my dorm. I deemed this place safer than the rest of my bike-thief-ridden campus because it was lit 24 hours a day and the bike rack was located directly under a surveillance camera. Fail on my part: the flimsy cable lock. One Sunday morning I went out to ride my bike to church, and my dear one was gone! Thinking at first that I had left Velvet somewhere else on campus and forgotten, I spent half an hour searching for him in vain. Eventually I came to the sad realization that he was gone, and I reported him missing to the police. Two months passed, and I was at home for Christmas break when my boyfriend, who had stayed at school, called to tell me that he had seen a bike that looked just like my Velvet chained up outside the Quizno's restaurant downtown. It couldn't be Velvet, though, he said, because this bike had two bottle holders. "Velvet had two bottle holders," I informed him. "One black and one silver." He went straight back to Quizno's and called the police. It was my Velvet, and he was even "chained" up with my lock, which, despite being cut, was still wrapped around him. Though the wretched bike thief was never caught, Velvet and I were happily reunited, and he lives indoors with me now, so he hasn't been stolen since.

Bike theft on Georgetown Campus

I loved my bike. I bought it used three years ago for $150 and easily rode over 1000 miles on it while it was mine. But alas, evil lurks in this world and now my bike, my beautiful blueish-green Trek, with carrier rack (that I installed myself) is no longer mine. I was young and foolish, and let that which meant most to me slip beyond my reach. I locked my bike with a chain lock by the large bike rack in the center of campus where I usually parked it during the day. But winter soon came and I kept putting off bringing my bike home with me. Then came the two Snowmaggedons that burried Washington DC and I know that while it was facing the threat of rust, my bike would probably be safe under 6 feet of snow. After the snow thawed, I went to check on my bike and sure enough it was there, its seat a little ripped up and gears a little rusty, but it was there . I was in a rush but promised myself and my bike that next week I would bring it home.

But luck was not on my side. Someone must have grew envious of my bike and thought that I would not miss it and took it from me. I had it registered with campus police, but it never showed up.

I have now gone a full spring and nearly a full summer without a bike because I get so nervous thinking about what if I loose this one? What if I end up alone without a bike one day because some thief broke my lock? Next time I get a bike, I am going to get a much better lock.

-Carter Lavin
Washington DC

witnessed theft - chance to win bike lock

Me and my Uni's feild study group were in Paris, when we heard someone yell "HEY!!"
Two men wizzed by us on bikes as another two men tried desperatly, but obviously fruitlessly, to catch them.
damn you sneaky bike theives.

¬Kelly Fischer
Alberta Canada

Damn bike thieving!

Many bikes have come and gone in my life; like lovers, these have all remained a part of me. A lot of them have been stolen out of my grasp, but one particular thieving will always remain in my mind.

At the young age of ten or eleven, I rescued a sweet Huffy from a thrift store in Clermont, Florida. I spray painted it some ugly gray, doused its chain in WD-40, and wandered around town with it.

The day I noticed its absence, my sister told me that I just didn't have a bike. Seeing my best friends ride it down the street pissed me right off. Apparently she sold it to them.

For Christmas, she bought it back. Unfortunately, she wondered why I wasn't amused.

I'm still not.

I hate you bike thief.

Yes, what an apt title. I HATE YOU BIKE THIEF.

I had my first real bike for a brief period of 2 weeks before it was stolen. Thoroughly scared by all stories of bike theft, I took bike security very very seriously. I bought the big bright orange, (almost too expensive for my budget) Kryptonite U lock and 2 Kyptonite cables. Everywhere I went, locking the bike was the most important thing. By the 3rd day I had my bike, I had fallen head over heels in love with it. I stuck many little frivolous stickers all over it, proudly accessorized it with a 'I love my bike' bell , and bought a brand new rack and basket for it. All of it, I installed with loving care. I even carry my bike upstairs into the house every single night! Mind you, I live on the top 4th floor in a building with no elevator.

On the fateful day, I went to wholefoods with my husband. We had only one Kyptonite U lock between the both of us and usually it works out fine. We could always lock both bikes using the U-lock. However, the bar was so weirdly shaped that we had trouble locking both bikes to the one U lock. After many tries, we comprised and secured one bike to the bar with the U-lock, and the other was cabled to it.

That was the last time I saw my bike. The scoundrel cut all my cables, he even had the audacity to throw them into the dustbin right next to it, and made off with my bike. The police were of little help. The customer service at Kyptonite were worse. I called in, inquiring about their product warranty and the details of their anti-bike warranty. The lady who answered the floor sounded like she just woke up, she even yawned several times during our conversation! She gave vague, useless and senseless information that was in no way helpful to me. She could have been sympathetic at the very least!.

Well, I hope whoever has my bike now treats my bike well, and not strip it apart and sell its parts for cash.

Also, I would like to advise against buying Kyptonite cables, they are quite useless and can be easily cut! If you want them as a source of deterrence, you are way better off getting one of the cheap $10 bells/mongoose U-locks to lock your tires to your frame. At least metal is way harder to cut than cables.

N yes, to put it in the mildest way possible, I do really hate you bike thief.

Cindy Ong
Boston, MA