Bike Thieves are Scumbags!

Growing up I always inherited my older brother’s bikes. And that was fine – I just loved having a bike! Well, for the past few years I’ve wanted a bike again and finally bought one. It was a sleek Globe bike, kind of like a city messenger bike. I loved it and rode it everywhere here. This was my first bike that was all mine.

Yesterday, I came out of the library and some prick stole my bike! My bike was locked and I was only in the library a few hours. So angry! The audacity of someone to just say, “I want this. I am taking this.” Didn’t their mommas teach them anything at all? Just disgusts me. So after the police came and gave me a piece of paper in exchange for my bike I walked home. Sad. Angry. Stunned.

In anger I started a Facebook page called “Bike Thieves are Scumbags!” – not that they care, but it made me feel a bit better: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Bike-Thieves-are-Scumbags/207820259932?ref=nf

I still HATE YOU BIKE THIEF!

As a kid I enjoyed riding my bike. I guess I took it for granted because I'd always just leave it sitting in my front yard all the time. But one day I went outside to take a ride, & my bike MY BEAUTIFUL BIKE was gone. I thought maybe my dad had put it in the garage, but when I looked, it wasn't there. :'( A few days later my bike turned up in my front yard, it looked like someone had hit it with a car. The ugly bike thief stole my bike, & after he wrecked it, brought it back. There was nothing I could do for my bike, so I took the little horn off & told my dad to just throw it away. I'm 16 now & I've upgraded from a bike to a car, but I still have my horn as a memory, & I still HATE YOU BIKE THIEF!

-Laura.

New York City, NY

To Whom It May Concern,

You stole my bike in broad daylight yesterday, in front of One Worldwide Plaza, while I was working inside. I know it was locked to the scaffolding, but I did not think you would take it apart and take what was not yours.

I fucking hate you, and mark my words, I will find you and kill you.

Sincerely,
Bob

I'll Probably Find You, Bike Thief

Dear Bike Thief,

Poor choice my friend. You have chosen to steal a bike from an extremely vengeful little girl (out of her OWN HOUSE) who built her bike from the frame up and knows damn well what her bike and all of its parts looks like. And guess what?! She's not the only one who knows and loves this bike! Her and her whole biker gang also know this bike inside and out. And guess what else?! You didn't just steal HER bike, you stole her two roommates' bikes as well. So now you don't just have a really really pissed off hard ass little gypsy and her whole bike posse coming after you, you have her housemates too. Sucks to be you, idiot bike thief. Minneapolis only offers so many places to hide. And yes, we did find the last bike whose lock was cut before it was stolen and went through several hands and a couple of cities. It is, in fact, back in the rightful hands of its original owner. So if I were you, I would do my best to return my bike back to where you found it hanging up inside of my house (the back yard would also be fine), without us seeing you, before we find it. Don't be more stupid than you already were. Do the right thing.

Sincerely,
I'm going to find you.


In this picture:
Safety Bike before I put a red wheel set on it, one black pedal arm, and a new seat.

Poor Bike

Hah hah, so I was riding up Guadalupe St. today thinking of buttercups and gumdrops when I saw a most peculiar flyer. Hm, I thought, THAT bike looks exactly like THIS bike I 'procured' from some knucklehead who left it laying around outside in some grass. Really, I didn't think that you would put flyers up! It's a DECENT bike but only because of the skull. Yea, I left the skull flag on there but I painted over the lightning bolt. It's now an ewok. Skull. An ewok skull. I also don't consider myself a thief, though I thank you for the compliment. At least I'm SOMETHING. Up until this point I hadn't really managed to be anything at all. I also replaced the 20" rims with 21" inch rims because it looks a LOT cooler. Not only that but it makes your flyers TOTALLY useless considering, you know... the rims are 21" now. I just thought of that. Neat. I wear a helmet too. A really, really, expensive helmet that comes with life insurance and a phoenix down. Thanks a lot buddy, you'll never catch me afterall. You know that, right? You'll never see this bike again. I'll ride some other bike- like my tricked out Schwinn with chrome fenders and a basket I totally lifted from this vacant art chick. Later, dude.

Oh, did I mention I don't even like bikes?

- Boris

I'm Not That Mad, But You're a Jerk.

Dear Jerkface,

When you steal something that's worth less than the trouble it causes someone else, you're not cool; you don't win; you're just a jerk.

I wasn't that far from home and I probably should have parked my bike a little closer to where I was hanging out, but since my U-lock was clearly laced through my wheel, I have to conclude that your stealing my quick release axle was just out of spite. Maybe I should have invested in those wheel locks, but you probably would have found some other way to mess up my ride. You're just a jerk.

I had to carry my bike home and I'll have to drive to work tomorrow, but then I'll go to the bike shop and replace the part. I'll forget about it in a few days, but you'll still be a giant jerk. At least when I left my car unlocked and the homeless guy slept in it, someone got a nice place to sleep and my car just smelled funny for a few days. You got nothing worth mentioning and caused me to scrape up my leg when I tried to ride my bike and the wheel came off. You're a jerk.

- Juliana

Bike Thieves Suck Ass

I always lock my bike up to our front porch. But last spring break we were doing a little project and needed to set up a painting station on the front porch, so I wheeled the bike back to the back fence and chained it to the fence. That very night some bastard took it--AND the chain. WTF??

It was just a Schwinn from Target, but I had kind of tricked it out with chrome fenders and a basket in the back. I know the thief probably just rode it close to home and chucked it in a creek somewhere. I hate bike thieves.

- Samantha